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Old 14-02-18, 07:21 PM   #8
Spanishgraeme
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Newcastle
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Default Re: HD Wife said she was leaving me today.........

Quote:
Originally Posted by LECS View Post
I really feel for you and your wife. I behave like your wife and I have no control, itís like how I imagine having Touretteís to be, words all come out of my mouth randomly and none of them I mean. I have given it much thought over the years and have decided I am worse when I feel I canít make sense of things, I canít process stuff, I donít understand, I feel that no one understands me or gets me I want out...immediately. I first ran away when I was a child because I didnít get what my dad was asking and then in my twenties and thirties, looking back it was always when I was upset and confused and I couldnít make sense of the situation or someone was asking to much of me. Talking too much, I needed peace to process my thoughts. I like reassurance, I like not to be challenged, I donít respond well if you enter into an argument with me. I can be told but not at the point of crisis or during an argument. I find it hard to remember what I have said, what you have said and how my words have caused hurt and upset. I say go away now I live alone instead of I am leaving when I want things to stop and when Iíve calm down I want you to return minutes later when you do not because you are still reeling from my hurtful words that I did not mean I am sad and wish that you had stayed. Thatís HD and itís horrible. Your wife will not be able to help it and there is little that you can do except grown a thick skin and roll with the waves. The quicker you do the quicker she will come back to you and be smiling again talking about something else. When I was a young adult I couldnít understand how my dad could endure how my mum treated him, she had HD but he used to say that if she smiled that day it was a good day and he had done well. He loved her for over 50 years and got nothing back but heartache. She died 2 years ago now but every time I speak to him he tells me that he would give anything to have her back even with HD. I did leave my husband nearly 3 years ago just as your wife is threatening and now live alone but he hasnít gone far and I still rather share a cup of tea with him than anyone else and we support each other as best we can. My mum hated being with my dad and she said so daily and she tried to leave but he wouldnít have any of it and they battled through but it was awful to watch. Iím lucky because I know Iím unwell and so I can tell my ex husband what I need but he often gets it wrong and when he does he has the sanctuary of his place as do I, before we can resume speaking again. Only you and your wife can decide how you can manage her illness. I prefer to accommodate my HD rather than ask it not to be present. Communication needs to be clear, I need to have understood. There are things that I cannot cope with so need to be avoided. I do like others to remember that I am still in here however small and that I have to do what my HD dictates. If I didnít try to control my HD it would take over and I would lose, so I try to manage it but I need those around to understand how much effort that takes. I need to feel others are on my side and not fighting against what I have no control over. Perhaps ask your wife in a calm moment if she can explain how things are for her and if she knows what might help. My grandmother who had HD left my grandfather and they lived at opposite ends of the village and never spoke. My grandmother unfairly was considered the joke of the village. She couldnít help any of it. Perhaps find some respite away from HD that could help you recharge. However you do it, itís a tough battle that you are both going through but an HD person is not in control of all they say. Best wishes to you both. Lecs.
Thank you Lecs.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing the point of view of the person that has HD.
It's easy to forget that my wife is putting up with far worse the me.
I try to remind myself as often as possible. I never want to lost sight of that.

I love my wife the same as I did 30 years ago when we met. That hasn't changed.

I agree with your grandfather. If my wife smiles or laugh's about something, then the day has been a success. It's usually something that she sees on the tv rather than a reaction to something that I have said. That doesn't matter though .......if she's happy, she's happy. That's enough for me.

I can't change her HD. I can help her to make the best of it though.

Thank you for your help. 🙂
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