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Old 12-01-18, 11:29 PM   #7
Jomhv
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 12
Default Re: Hi I'm new and feeling desperate

Quote:
Originally Posted by elessi View Post
hi i did reply to you on med fed up thread, but i thought i would reply here as well. i know where you are coming from im in the same place the only difference is my kids are 1/2 the age of yours and its scary. we have adult social care and childrens services involved because he is moodt bad tempered and threatening towards me.
its got hard to deal with, i thought when we got married we would spend the rest of our lives together so we had kids. planned things together we used to have fun and laugh a lot, i miss the kisses and cuddles we no longer get that close so he thinks i dont care. I love him but hd has a strange effect, he pushes me away so much I dont know how to deal with it. I want him to love me like he used to, the medication helps the moods are calmer thaks to olanzipine he also takes mirtazipine which helps.
I have no advice other than a day at a time, maybe there is a local group that he would be willing to go to for a while so you can have a break. my doctor is looking into that for me. my hubby denies he needs help and says its me making him ill, he often wants a divorce I say ok and he usually forgets about it until next time. in the end you have to do whats best for your kids, I wish you luck xx
Hi Elessi

Thank you for your reply. Yes it does sound as though we are in a very similar place. Having a husband who is bigger, stronger and louder than me with HD is a scary place to live. If we at least had the upper hand in being physically stronger it might not be such a vulnerable place to be.

My husband has only just started to get aggressive in the past few months and is still quite capable of taking care of himself so I really don't have it that bad yet. The trauma he causes the children though is very distressing to me. Having slightly older children makes it hard to leave as they are old enough now to feel a sense of responsibility for their dad. My oldest daughter said to me a couple of years ago before they even knew he had HD that if we ever got divorced (all her friends parents have divorced in recent years) she feels like she would have to live with dad as he would need someone to look after him as he doesn't seem like he could take care of himself very well. This was before she even knew!
I guess my advice to you is if you are seriously thinking about leaving, sooner rather than later with regard to the children feeling guilty, wanting to care for their dad is better in my opinion. Others on here may disagree though. Each situation is different.
I feel heartless considering instigating separation but the need to protect my children from emotional and potentially physical damage is a very strong emotion for me. Even if we do leave though, they will still be traumatised with guilt and worry about how their dad is coping so really there is no solution. It's quite simply a living hell.
Take care
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