Dating issues

Zynx_ · 17-01-16, 07:31 PM

Hi,

This is my first time posting here as I'm struggling to know what I should do at the minute and am in need of some advice.

I have been in my current relationship for 4 months and, whilst having an off day, ended up telling my boyfriend about HD being in my family (I am at risk). He has reacted badly to the news, firstly becoming very upset and then questioning whether he wants to be in a relationship with me at all because of the worries he would have for the future.

It's now been a week since I told him, after continuous fighting and supporting him I'm no closer to understanding why he is feeling the way he is towards the situation. His main worry has been about his ability to support me in the future - I have told him that this is something which requires a lot of thought and cannot be decided only a week after finding out. Clearly his head is not in a 'rational thinking' state and I am struggling to make him see sense in any of this. I am trying to make him think more positively, encouraging him to believe that he can get through these worries but this is just met by very negative responses about how he knows how he's going to feel.

I asked him yesterday if he'd done any research into HD and he said that he'd been too frightened to Google it yet (adding to the fact that informed decisions cannot be made). I have sent him some useful links to information that's a bit easier to read, however he's not been able to face this yet. My plan is to sit down with him tomorrow to discuss everything properly.

I'm feeling completely lost here. I've tried everything that I can think of to make him understand that the worrying does subside but it's not getting through.

He's a really good guy and I can see a future for us. I'll try anything to convince him that this relationship is worth saving.

Any help here would be massively appreciated.

Ashyrose7 · 17-01-16, 10:11 PM

Hello.
What a difficult situation.
Here's my opinion: I can kind of understand where he is coming from, he has got to think about the future and I understand this must be difficult for him, but on the other hand can he really love you if he wants to run at the first sign of trouble?
You should not be supporting him, he should be supporting you.
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and when I told him about HD he went away and researched it and came back and said he's going to be by my side as much as he can throughout the testing process (he's in the army so can't always be around)
What you need right now is someone who can support you and help you through this. I'm not trying to be horrible but he needs to grow up and face the facts.
I appreciate you love him and this must be difficult for you, but I really think you are the one who needs the support right now
Not him..

I hope you manage to work things out.. Are you being tested for HD or do you just know you're at risk?

I wish you the best of luck, and I apologise if my opinion wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Ashy x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Hi,

This is my first time posting here as I'm struggling to know what I should do at the minute and am in need of some advice.

I have been in my current relationship for 4 months and, whilst having an off day, ended up telling my boyfriend about HD being in my family (I am at risk). He has reacted badly to the news, firstly becoming very upset and then questioning whether he wants to be in a relationship with me at all because of the worries he would have for the future.

It's now been a week since I told him, after continuous fighting and supporting him I'm no closer to understanding why he is feeling the way he is towards the situation. His main worry has been about his ability to support me in the future - I have told him that this is something which requires a lot of thought and cannot be decided only a week after finding out. Clearly his head is not in a 'rational thinking' state and I am struggling to make him see sense in any of this. I am trying to make him think more positively, encouraging him to believe that he can get through these worries but this is just met by very negative responses about how he knows how he's going to feel.

I asked him yesterday if he'd done any research into HD and he said that he'd been too frightened to Google it yet (adding to the fact that informed decisions cannot be made). I have sent him some useful links to information that's a bit easier to read, however he's not been able to face this yet. My plan is to sit down with him tomorrow to discuss everything properly.

I'm feeling completely lost here. I've tried everything that I can think of to make him understand that the worrying does subside but it's not getting through.

He's a really good guy and I can see a future for us. I'll try anything to convince him that this relationship is worth saving.

Any help here would be massively appreciated.

Amanda Stansfield · 18-01-16, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Hi,

This is my first time posting here as I'm struggling to know what I should do at the minute and am in need of some advice.

I have been in my current relationship for 4 months and, whilst having an off day, ended up telling my boyfriend about HD being in my family (I am at risk). He has reacted badly to the news, firstly becoming very upset and then questioning whether he wants to be in a relationship with me at all because of the worries he would have for the future.

It's now been a week since I told him, after continuous fighting and supporting him I'm no closer to understanding why he is feeling the way he is towards the situation. His main worry has been about his ability to support me in the future - I have told him that this is something which requires a lot of thought and cannot be decided only a week after finding out. Clearly his head is not in a 'rational thinking' state and I am struggling to make him see sense in any of this. I am trying to make him think more positively, encouraging him to believe that he can get through these worries but this is just met by very negative responses about how he knows how he's going to feel.

I asked him yesterday if he'd done any research into HD and he said that he'd been too frightened to Google it yet (adding to the fact that informed decisions cannot be made). I have sent him some useful links to information that's a bit easier to read, however he's not been able to face this yet. My plan is to sit down with him tomorrow to discuss everything properly.

I'm feeling completely lost here. I've tried everything that I can think of to make him understand that the worrying does subside but it's not getting through.

He's a really good guy and I can see a future for us. I'll try anything to convince him that this relationship is worth saving.

Any help here would be massively appreciated.

Hello sweetie

i read your message and it transported me back to being 14 and so in love with someone I thought my heart would burst every time i saw him.......well that was until his mummy had a conversation with him about me and HD...
His mother quite plain and simply said to him i think you had better break up with Amanda as you don't know if she's going to be ill like her mother....so he did! And the one after that did too when i was 18..........
I never thought anyone would want to be with me after that!
Needless to say I got a negative result 20 years later and i've not seen either of them since but i still remember the feeling of being punched by those words!
I wanna say the same as Ashy " I can kind of understand where he is coming from, he has got to think about the future and I understand this must be difficult for him, but on the other hand can he really love you if he wants to run at the first sign of trouble?

You have to live your life sweetie with or without HD and one thing you don't need is someone by your side that might just *** off the moment the going gets tough.
Good luck sweetie xxx

Amanda

Gabby · 18-01-16, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Hi,

This is my first time posting here as I'm struggling to know what I should do at the minute and am in need of some advice.

I have been in my current relationship for 4 months and, whilst having an off day, ended up telling my boyfriend about HD being in my family (I am at risk). He has reacted badly to the news, firstly becoming very upset and then questioning whether he wants to be in a relationship with me at all because of the worries he would have for the future.

It's now been a week since I told him, after continuous fighting and supporting him I'm no closer to understanding why he is feeling the way he is towards the situation. His main worry has been about his ability to support me in the future - I have told him that this is something which requires a lot of thought and cannot be decided only a week after finding out. Clearly his head is not in a 'rational thinking' state and I am struggling to make him see sense in any of this. I am trying to make him think more positively, encouraging him to believe that he can get through these worries but this is just met by very negative responses about how he knows how he's going to feel.

I asked him yesterday if he'd done any research into HD and he said that he'd been too frightened to Google it yet (adding to the fact that informed decisions cannot be made). I have sent him some useful links to information that's a bit easier to read, however he's not been able to face this yet. My plan is to sit down with him tomorrow to discuss everything properly.

I'm feeling completely lost here. I've tried everything that I can think of to make him understand that the worrying does subside but it's not getting through.

He's a really good guy and I can see a future for us. I'll try anything to convince him that this relationship is worth saving.

Any help here would be massively appreciated.

aww this must be hard for you .. but this must be hard for him too 4 months into a relationship (it is really early days) and he's hit with big life changing news . OK its not for definite as yet and maybe that is what you could say to him . if he really wants to be with you really loves you he will try and make it work once the shock has worn off a bit . I wouldn't push the issue too much enjoy your time together . You don't say how old you both are but if you are young commitment itself is scary without the added hought that your life could be caring for someone .
good luck I hope it all works out

Take care
Gabby

Zynx_ · 20-01-16, 08:51 PM

Thank you for all of the replies! It means a lot to me to know there are people out there to support me.

Unfortunately after a discussion on Monday he has decided to end the relationship. I tried my best to explain the situation to him and tried to give him some perspective on the issue. He called my ideas 'irrelevant' and wasn't open to hearing about my story of dealing with the shock when I was first told.

I feel like he's come to this decision without thinking everything through properly. Personally, I don't think you can know 100% what you're going to feel like about something like after 1 week of knowing... but there's no convincing him otherwise.

I'm pretty upset right now. I could really see a future with him and he seemed to be everything that I wanted in a guy.

I'm not sure what to do with myself now, I've never had a relationship end because of HD. How am I going to tell anyone about the risk in the future?

PS. We are both 23 and I am still at risk (not testing yet).

Zynx_ · 20-01-16, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashyrose7

Hello.
What a difficult situation.
Here's my opinion: I can kind of understand where he is coming from, he has got to think about the future and I understand this must be difficult for him, but on the other hand can he really love you if he wants to run at the first sign of trouble?
You should not be supporting him, he should be supporting you.
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and when I told him about HD he went away and researched it and came back and said he's going to be by my side as much as he can throughout the testing process (he's in the army so can't always be around)
What you need right now is someone who can support you and help you through this. I'm not trying to be horrible but he needs to grow up and face the facts.
I appreciate you love him and this must be difficult for you, but I really think you are the one who needs the support right now
Not him..

I hope you manage to work things out.. Are you being tested for HD or do you just know you're at risk?

I wish you the best of luck, and I apologise if my opinion wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Ashy x

Ashy,

Thanks for your reply.

Unfortunately he has ended the relationship :/ (he ended it without even researching HD). I know that he should be the one supporting me, and I felt like this might come after the initial shock of everything had passed. It seems I was wrong.

You're so lucky to have somebody there to support you! I hope I can find that too :)

Good luck with everything,

x

Gabby · 21-01-16, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Thank you for all of the replies! It means a lot to me to know there are people out there to support me.

Unfortunately after a discussion on Monday he has decided to end the relationship. I tried my best to explain the situation to him and tried to give him some perspective on the issue. He called my ideas 'irrelevant' and wasn't open to hearing about my story of dealing with the shock when I was first told.

I feel like he's come to this decision without thinking everything through properly. Personally, I don't think you can know 100% what you're going to feel like about something like after 1 week of knowing... but there's no convincing him otherwise.

I'm pretty upset right now. I could really see a future with him and he seemed to be everything that I wanted in a guy.

I'm not sure what to do with myself now, I've never had a relationship end because of HD. How am I going to tell anyone about the risk in the future?

PS. We are both 23 and I am still at risk (not testing yet).

So sorry it has ended he obviously is not ready for a relationship ,of course you will be upset maybe better he leaves now than later on down the line .
You will hopefully meet someone who does want to commit with you , I would not bring up HD straight away .. 4 months is really early days in a relationship. You may feel this was it for you but it will pass I was married 13 years and then found someone new and realised I didn't really love my ex husband .

Get out and enjoy yourself with both female and male friends make the most of being single now .. I have found that love finds you rather than the other way round . a Work friend, someone who was once just a friend etc

take care
Gabby

shiraz · 22-01-16, 01:27 AM

Zynx
I read your original post several times and felt unable to respond...I had assumed you were young and was going to say hey, 4 months is really early days and laying the possibility of hd on someone...no wonder they wanna run. Then I thought...oh, I knew my husband was the one the very second I heard his voice and he could have told me he had the lurgy I knew he was the one. Telling you either would not have helped. Your boyfriend was not up to even the possibility of hd....it is better to find out now early on than have him leave you three or ten years down the line. The right one has to work both ways...I mean I love George Clooney but sadly it ain't reciprocated - do you see what I mean? You are young...we all have broken hearts and then....your Prince will come along. One day you will

again. Honest x

toosh · 22-01-16, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Thank you for all of the replies! It means a lot to me to know there are people out there to support me.

Unfortunately after a discussion on Monday he has decided to end the relationship. I tried my best to explain the situation to him and tried to give him some perspective on the issue. He called my ideas 'irrelevant' and wasn't open to hearing about my story of dealing with the shock when I was first told.

I feel like he's come to this decision without thinking everything through properly. Personally, I don't think you can know 100% what you're going to feel like about something like after 1 week of knowing... but there's no convincing him otherwise.

I'm pretty upset right now. I could really see a future with him and he seemed to be everything that I wanted in a guy.

I'm not sure what to do with myself now, I've never had a relationship end because of HD. How am I going to tell anyone about the risk in the future?

PS. We are both 23 and I am still at risk (not testing yet).

Hi Zynx

Not what I wanted to hear but you will find someone to be there to support you.
Keep your chin up
Xxxx

Ashyrose7 · 22-01-16, 01:54 AM

Oh man I'm sorry to hear that. What a **** thing to do!
I can't believe he didn't even research it..
Don't lose hope, and don't be scared to tell another man about HD.. Not all men are the same sweetheart, believe me!
I'm sure you will find it one day lovely, and cherish it when you do find it.
I hope things work out for you
You'll be in my thoughts
x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zynx_

Ashy,

Thanks for your reply.

Unfortunately he has ended the relationship :/ (he ended it without even researching HD). I know that he should be the one supporting me, and I felt like this might come after the initial shock of everything had passed. It seems I was wrong.

You're so lucky to have somebody there to support you! I hope I can find that too :)

Good luck with everything,

x