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Old 05-09-18, 11:22 PM   #1
brizbob
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: bristol
Posts: 4
Default feeling guilty

sat here alone crying,not ashamed to say that. my partner is in bed,tomorrow most likely she will be sectioned.the last few months have been horrendous,manic behaviour.violent outbursts etc.her daughters have helped as much as they can,but none of us can cope anymore.after trying local gp,social workers & crisis team we resorted to dementia team assessment the only choices left was for her to be admitted into a mental institution which will be appraised tomorrow.i gave up work 5 years ago to look after her & promised she would,nt go into a home at the time the disease was mostly physical disability but recently the mental aspects have got too much to cope with.how do you get over the over whelming feeling that I have betrayed her?
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Old 06-09-18, 03:45 PM   #2
Crystal
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 237
Default Re: feeling guilty

Quote:
Originally Posted by brizbob View Post
sat here alone crying,not ashamed to say that. my partner is in bed,tomorrow most likely she will be sectioned.the last few months have been horrendous,manic behaviour.violent outbursts etc.her daughters have helped as much as they can,but none of us can cope anymore.after trying local gp,social workers & crisis team we resorted to dementia team assessment the only choices left was for her to be admitted into a mental institution which will be appraised tomorrow.i gave up work 5 years ago to look after her & promised she would,nt go into a home at the time the disease was mostly physical disability but recently the mental aspects have got too much to cope with.how do you get over the over whelming feeling that I have betrayed her?
Hello Brizbob...and welcome, although not a place you will want to be, but hopefully somewhere for you to voice your anguish and share with many of us on this message board just what you have and are now going through.
You ask..how do you get over the overwhelming feeling that you have betrayed your partner? My answer to you, would be that I personally don't believe you have! This is how you are FEELING! This I am not denying... Carer's feelings of guilt are alway to the fore.....often remembered long after everything else has been dealt with... long after we have truly done our best, even if our best just sometimes wasn't.. or seemed to be..just not good enough!
To care for your partner for so long, to have given up work to do so, to have engaged with professionals for appropriate intervention.and care... This is not a betrayal of your partner. I recognise of course, that your feelings centre probably on just the one aspect that you feel you have been unable to fulfill... whether short term or otherwise, that of care delivered in a different setting! Your promise made was in a different time, a different place, different in many ways...but heartfelt at that time nonetheless . Other situations may have come along since then that could easily have had to change your 'promise'. It could have been any number of things that could have been out of your control... and therefore make promises made in good faith just not possible... even your own health and ability to care
I hope you will come to realise just how much you have done and are still doing.
I hope you have also been in touch with your Specialist HD Advisor in your area. Their support and advice to you will help you through these difficult times.

Best wishes
Crystal
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Old 07-09-18, 08:23 AM   #3
banda
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Consett, County Durham
Posts: 482
Default Re: feeling guilty

Sorry to read your post and the anguish of HD for you, your wife and family. You are not betraying your wife at all...things have changed, sadly HD robs us all of our loved ones and therefore different and difficult decisions become the right ones....not to place your wife in a care home was the right thing then but this is now. Take care and here's to a smoother time in the weeks to come, xx
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Old 14-09-18, 06:43 AM   #4
Gabby
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Berkshire
Posts: 371
Default Re: feeling guilty

Quote:
Originally Posted by brizbob View Post
sat here alone crying,not ashamed to say that. my partner is in bed,tomorrow most likely she will be sectioned.the last few months have been horrendous,manic behaviour.violent outbursts etc.her daughters have helped as much as they can,but none of us can cope anymore.after trying local gp,social workers & crisis team we resorted to dementia team assessment the only choices left was for her to be admitted into a mental institution which will be appraised tomorrow.i gave up work 5 years ago to look after her & promised she would,nt go into a home at the time the disease was mostly physical disability but recently the mental aspects have got too much to cope with.how do you get over the over whelming feeling that I have betrayed her?
Hi Brizbob so sorry you are going through this, we seem to feel guilt or betrayal when there is no reason to but that's human nature if we care about someone .Once you see she is settled and you are less distraught im sure those feeling will subside . You are doing the best for your wife it's not a choice you wanted to make its really been taken out of your hands .

hope things settle a bit soon
Gabby x
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Old 21-09-18, 09:18 PM   #5
Zlmd2017
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Default Re: feeling guilty

I think you have been amazing you gave up everything to care for your wife I take my hat off to you others would not so don't be so hard on yourself I'm so sorry to hear that things have got to that point but hd is a terrible robbing disease of the people we love i see it in my own parent and their sibling and my son this week who is only 21 got taken too the mentle health team due too a few violent outbursts and my heart just broke into a million pieces although he has smoked cannabis from an early age and had a hell of alot on his shoulders you see were all in this together the people who suffer with symptoms the people that carry the gene and the people who like your self have to deal with it i wish u lots of love and support and god blessxxxx
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Old 23-09-18, 08:10 AM   #6
brizbob
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: bristol
Posts: 4
Default Re: feeling guilty

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zlmd2017 View Post
I think you have been amazing you gave up everything to care for your wife I take my hat off to you others would not so don't be so hard on yourself I'm so sorry to hear that things have got to that point but hd is a terrible robbing disease of the people we love i see it in my own parent and their sibling and my son this week who is only 21 got taken too the mentle health team due too a few violent outbursts and my heart just broke into a million pieces although he has smoked cannabis from an early age and had a hell of alot on his shoulders you see were all in this together the people who suffer with symptoms the people that carry the gene and the people who like your self have to deal with it i wish u lots of love and support and god blessxxxx
I would like to thank everyone who replied to my post.had a meeting with her consultant,social workers & her assigned nurse.she had been given a ct scan a few days previously not a very good prognosis.their has been quite a deterioration of the frontal lobe.the consultant[who has hd experience]has said she will need fulltime hd nursing care.now waiting to be contacted by social services to see how we proceed most likely entry into a nursing home.
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