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Old 26-01-18, 10:55 PM   #1
Spanishgraeme
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Default Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

I'm sure that many people can understand, it's very easy to say the wrong thing and end up regretting it for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was my 51st birthday. I spent it alone.......my wife spent the entire day in bed, asleep.
I came downstairs this morning to find that she was already up.
She made a fuss of our dog but refused to acknowledge my existence.
Never mind.....I thought.......make her a nice breakfast and see how things go.

Strangely.......breakfast was agreed fairly quickly.....OMG...😊😊😊😊
So off I go to prepare Sausages, fried eggs and a slice of bread and butter.

5 minutes later I returned to retrieve her coffee cup from the day before and as I leaned across her to get it, I was pushed out of the way and told in a very unpleasant manner, that I stink....... antiperspirant, is what she was referring to.

I'm afraid that this was all a bit too much for me to take, so I asked her if she thought she could just be nice for a change. I even said it with a smile on my face........almost trying to make a joke out of it.

Well ..........that was it........the day was over in her eyes........

I went back through to the kitchen to Finnish her breakfast but it was too late.

When I went to look for her, she was full of hell.
I was told to bin her breakfast. I was informed that we were no longer a couple.
I was reminded that she wants a divorce.

I know that it was just a momentary lapse in concentration but ........my god.....do I wish that I could go back and try again.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.......lets hope so.

I hope that everyone on here has had a good day.........and has a better tomorrow.🙂
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Old 27-01-18, 09:44 AM   #2
banda
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

Oh dear...feel for you. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself as I don't think it would matter what you said or did... so hope today is a better day for you both. xx
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Old 27-01-18, 11:06 AM   #3
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

Walking on eggshells...never a nice place to be. When you've simply done nothing wrong but the very fact that you are breathing seems to set them off and it's soul destroying - like being slapped in the face. I sometimes wondered if my husband actually enjoyed making me upset coz it somehow made him feel better....like a way of striking out at his hd and frustrations by causing hurt to me. But it was very hard to stay calm and ignore it and even harder to stop any outbursts when they just come out of the blue and I'd often be in tears. Thankfully those days seem to be long gone - I hope for good. So...wishing you a better day....
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Old 27-01-18, 12:28 PM   #4
Allan
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

.
Hi Graeme

First things first: You are never wrong on this journey; itís a very steep learning curve. You might have to keep reminding yourself on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis that you can work through these ďnightmareĒ occasions\scenarios - but you will.

Adapting your own character and lifestyle to an hd-Caring style is a difficult process. Make the Caring bigger and better than the hd. Make notes of things that go well, things that go not-so-well and things that are downright disastrous Ö maybe hold back a little, donít be too forthcoming, just see that the daily necessities are done (around her).

Iím just rambling here, making up sentences as I go along - and I think thatís how it is with hd-Care in the early stages when emotional and behavioural issues are at the forefront of your lives.

Iíve been wanting to reply to several recent messages but, of course, Iíve got my own ďhd-working dayĒ too. My latest post is here: http://hdmessageboard.com/showthread.php?p=65815#post65815 and it sort of shows that with a lot of learning, hard graft and application you can get on top of, or ahead of these symptoms to work alongside your wife - and prepare yourselves for a more relaxed and comfortable future together.

Ö oh yea, and whatís a birthday anyway, in the big scheme of things. You can do it if you really want: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxtUciDH7xg

Best wishes

.
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Old 27-01-18, 01:08 PM   #5
Jomhv
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanishgraeme View Post
I'm sure that many people can understand, it's very easy to say the wrong thing and end up regretting it for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was my 51st birthday. I spent it alone.......my wife spent the entire day in bed, asleep.
I came downstairs this morning to find that she was already up.
She made a fuss of our dog but refused to acknowledge my existence.
Never mind.....I thought.......make her a nice breakfast and see how things go.

Strangely.......breakfast was agreed fairly quickly.....OMG...😊😊😊😊
So off I go to prepare Sausages, fried eggs and a slice of bread and butter.

5 minutes later I returned to retrieve her coffee cup from the day before and as I leaned across her to get it, I was pushed out of the way and told in a very unpleasant manner, that I stink....... antiperspirant, is what she was referring to.

I'm afraid that this was all a bit too much for me to take, so I asked her if she thought she could just be nice for a change. I even said it with a smile on my face........almost trying to make a joke out of it.

Well ..........that was it........the day was over in her eyes........

I went back through to the kitchen to Finnish her breakfast but it was too late.

When I went to look for her, she was full of hell.
I was told to bin her breakfast. I was informed that we were no longer a couple.
I was reminded that she wants a divorce.

I know that it was just a momentary lapse in concentration but ........my god.....do I wish that I could go back and try again.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.......lets hope so.

I hope that everyone on here has had a good day.........and has a better tomorrow.🙂
Happy birthday Graeme. It was Australia Day here yesterday. I hope you managed to do something for yourself that you enjoyed at least. Yes it is just a birthday, a day like any other but if we are ever going to feel alone (and there are plenty of those days on this journey!) then a day like yours yesterday is a day you will really feel it and I'm sorry to hear it went that way.
I think a really good birthday present from me to you is permission not to be so hard on yourself and I'm pretty sure anyone reading this would give you that too. You did nothing wrong.

Take care

X
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Old 27-01-18, 02:48 PM   #6
Trish
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

Hi SG

Belated Happy Birthday. I could cry for you, you try so hard and yet it's like a perverse game of snakes and ladders. You rolled the dice, moved up the ladder and slipped right down the snake.

Trust me, it is nothing you did/said wrong and certainly not deliberately. It's the game of HD that, just when you think you have found that plateau to take a breather on someone comes along with concrete drill and starts breaking up the ground around you.

I did a poem for someone a while back, apologies if you have read it before but I saw your post and thought of this:


Work with me on this one please,
I didnít give you this disease,
Iím coping now but not for long,
Without your help I may be gone.

Or worse may have to watch you go,
If taken by those meant to know,
Yet showing us theyíre just as stressed,
And in the dark when youíre assessed.

I need your help to keep you here,
You need to know itís not false fear!
If I canít prove we work together,
You may be gone from me forever!

If you could give me just one sign,
To show you care and weíll be fine,
Iíll know Iím right to fight for you,
And that together weíll pull through.

I need to think and work for two,
Itís hard when tiredness setís in too,
I need to get it through somehow,
And yet you seem so distant now,

And people tell me I must see,
The man I love is still with me,
Itís just the HD taking hold,
And making you seem lost and cold.

Iíll take on board the things they say,
But itís not them who have to stay!
I know they have seen HD too,
But none of them are me and you.

Letís see if we get through this day,
And try to keep HD at bay,
But work with me on this thing please,
I didnít give you this disease!

The above was written for someone with a partner with HD. Probably more down the line than your Mrs. It also, as you can imagine, touches on my own experience with Hubs to a degree. I was worried I might not be able to fulfil my promise to keep him at home if we didn't work as Team Dainton many a time.

The hardest part is when our love ones don't get it that if you don't work together it's they who will be the losers ultimately. Came a time though that Hubs realised without me the only option was a nursing home and suddenly the whole dynamics of our relationship changed. I made sacrifices too on many levels (work, friends etc) but we became Team Steve and Hd was the enemy... not each other!
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Old 01-02-18, 10:55 PM   #7
Spanishgraeme
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

To Everyone

Thank you for your replies. It means a lot.
I've been away from the Message Board for a few days and have only just seen the replies.
I will be attending my first HDA monthly meeting, this coming Sunday.
It is an important step for me. My default is to try and deal with things alone.......I know that will not work here.
A positive thing happened today. At least I think it's positive !!!!!!!
My wife asked to be taken to see her HD Specialist Consultant. She last saw him in July 17. I think that this is a big step for her. Hopefully, she is coming to terms with her situation and will start to accept help, adjust meds etc.

I'll update you all when we've been to see him.
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Old 02-02-18, 09:49 AM   #8
banda
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Default Re: Feeling depressed as I spoiled today

I hope to be there on Sunday too...it will be only the second time I have ever made it! Pleased things seem a little more positive....and hope you can get an appointment quickly...also contact the HD team at Walkergate ... they may be able to do a home visit to help you.
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