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Carers, things that have helped Share your experiences of caring, and pass on practical advice and helpful tips

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Old 15-05-07, 12:32 AM   #31
myrna
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Hi Deedi,
Would taking your daughter & grand children to visit him, be a better idea, than bringing him home under the circumstances? At least if he does get angry, then you will have people around to help you & hopefully he will be so pleased to see them that any other feelings he may have will be forgotten for a while.
I know that with my (adult) daughter, finding something that pleased her, could change how she felt, if only for a while.
Thankfully, she very rarely has terrible angers anymore & is more often than not, a very sweet smiley little thing. (not 'so little' at 26, but still my baby).
Adjusting to these never ending changes are such hard work & it's not always easy to be strong. just know that people care & continue to draw what stregnth you can from them.
Thinking of you.
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Old 15-05-07, 05:16 PM   #32
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hi missy, thanks for the message, it is just so warming to know that people are out there just to lend an ear and to give their support, it is well appreciated..I thank you so much...
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Old 15-05-07, 05:28 PM   #33
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Hi Eric, I did mension about his meds and the drs are going to look into it and hopefully change them.It is just so hard not letting him come home,but i understand what you are saying.The risk is probably to much to take...
Im not really sure if his mood swings will every be under control,he has been having them now for the last 5 yrs,but saying that the last couple of yrs there has not been many at all...
I just hope that hes not going back to the way things were,when he was having them at least once a wk,some times more..I will talk to the drs again and hopefully they will have found something to help him,so at least i will be able to get him home some time in the next few weeks or months..Thank you Eric for your support, it is well appreciated,and to know that people like you are there it does help a lot..Thanks again....
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Old 15-05-07, 05:47 PM   #34
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Hi Myrna, Thanks for your message.It is very hard for our daughter to visit her father as she herself has the gene and she finds it very difficult visiting him at the nursing home..I have tho taken the g/children there to see him,which is true it does help him to see them..
Im just hopeing that when his meds have been hopefully sorted that i can get him home..But i think that you are all right i should leave his home visits for a while and just see how things go..It is just so hard to do,when you visit and you have to come home on your own,i hate that every time.Ive been doing it now for nearly 3 yrs but it never gets any easier...
Thank you again......
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Old 24-06-07, 09:39 PM   #35
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Im at my wits end at the moment,not knowing what to do or which way to turn.My husband is now decided that he has had enough and he wants to end it so he is refusing to eat.Its day 10 now,and he knows that the home is unable to force him to eat.
The doctors are saying that they may have to section him,which i dont want.He was on section before because of his violent outbursts.I dont think it will help the situation if they put him on it again.But with the section they can treat him without his or my concent.
I just dont know what to do,Im really sorry for going on,but i just needed to sound of a little..
Its so hard to know what to do.I just cant just sit back on watch him starve him self to death.He has tried suicide before a few times,with taking pills,but now he is in a home he knows that this is the only way he can end it.
Im so scared of loosing him.Maybe im being selfish,as i know what a cruel disease this is,but im just not ready to let him go yet..
We only got married last year and it will be our 1st anniversary in August,and i want him here with me and for the next anniversaries to come..At least for a little while anyway..
Anyway,sorry for rambling on...i didnt mean to...
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Old 24-06-07, 10:35 PM   #36
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Oh dear deedi, what an awful situation for you this time.
I presume you have talked to him & told him how you feel....though I can imagine that anything you say doesn't stick with him. Bless him.
I wish I could be of some help or comfort to you. I wish I had some good advise for you...
You don't need to apologise for going on...you didn't & if you can't come here & say what you need, to people that understand & care, then where can you go?
How would anyone know what to do in this situation, it must be so hard for you.
If you want to rant anytime, pm me. It can be a little help just to talk when you need to.
Thinking of you
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Old 24-06-07, 11:25 PM   #37
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Dear Deedi
I am so sorry to hear of your situation.
It is clear that you love your partner very much.
I can only suggest that you talk the options through with the doctors.
Are you getting some support from other people eg;
The HDA care advisor.
Do you have a counsellor to talk to.
thinking about you.
Kindest regards
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Old 25-06-07, 12:07 AM   #38
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Deedi !! My heart aches for you.

Di's brother did the same thing..........he died when he was 42. He just could not accept that his wife was not able to cope any more and I belive that he was sectioned because he would not go voluntarialy.

Try to put yourself into his shoes..........I'm sure that he feels that he has regained control of his life !!

You can try to change his mind, show him how much you love him and how you will be devastated without him being there ,and much you need him .

But, if he cannot be persuaded to change his mind please, please let him have his dignity. He deserves this at least !!

Please consult with all of the professionals that care for your husband to help you come to a conclusion .

Whatever decision you come to I know that it will be the right one for him because I know that you love him so very deeply !!!

I am finding this very difficult to post and I may be blackballed by other members but I feel that all avenues must be discussed if we really love our partners.

My love Deedi, to you and your husband !

Dave (Di's bloke)

(I'm in for some flack now!!!)
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Old 25-06-07, 12:08 AM   #39
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Hi Deedi,
I am so sorry to hear of your situation, I don't know how I would handle that scenario. Is it possible your husband knows what he's doing and is attempting this to spare you? I have only received the results of my husbands test this week, he is positive, another member of the club, I felt prepared to handle hd till I read your problem tonight, if this is what I have to face I can't think what I would do, surely if he is in the right place, they must be able to do something, otherwise, he could be using his right as a human being with his last will to be free of it all, I don't know what to think anymore, is it what we want, or is it what they want, I hope for your sake he will have the strength to continue for you, it's early days for me, keep in touch, I hope all goes well for you,

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Old 25-06-07, 01:40 AM   #40
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Hi Dave,
I hope you won't be blackballed or in for flack because you have spoke your mind....you are absolutley right, all avenues have to be looked at & though it may seem harsh when you said about letting Deedi's husband have his dignity & control of his own life...it can never be easy for any of us to 'let go'. In fact I can only imagine that it is a very hard choice to make compared to wanting to wait for it to happen naturally. I do understand what you are saying though & I'm sure Deedi must have been having the same thoughts in the past 10 days or so.
It is good that all things relating can be discussed here.

Twamoons, I am sorry for your husbands positive result.

Deedi I will pray for your situation. Lots of love & hugs for your family.
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