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Old 21-02-18, 11:49 PM   #1
Spanishgraeme
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Default HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Over the last couple of weeks, things seem to have gone from bad to worse.
Apart from some periods of zombie like nothingness and a few moments of clarity, my wife has been hell bent on destroying whatever we have left this week.
She is in the process of changing meds. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
She won't even allow me to feed her today.
She tells me tgat she's calling the police to report me for being a rotten husband.........or something like that.
Part of me almost hopes that she does.
They might arrange to take her to hospital for assessment.
Part of me is scared about how bad this can get.
I just want to look after her and for for her to be happy and retain her dignity.

Perhaps it will be better in the morning.....hope so.
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Old 25-02-18, 10:33 AM   #2
Trish
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Hope things have improved by now G

Could be the meds as you say.
__________________
I tried.
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Old 02-03-18, 12:35 AM   #3
LECS
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Hi Spanishgraeme. I really feel for you and I just wanted to say I understand how challenging it can all be. I can only speak re my own experience but I havenít in the past been able to tolerate medication as I found it exacerbated my HD symptoms, I was more aggressive, detached and wanted to cause harm, it was very frightening and I had to stop. I didnít just try one I tried the whole family and it didnít help that my GPs disagreed with the consultant who prescribed them. I find that my HD is at its worst when I feel unsafe, when I feel backed into a corner, when I feel I canít make myself understood. In order for me to chance any stand of coping with those feelings and making others understand I need to have clarity and I need to be able to self soothe. I canít do that if I dont feel my usual HD self and I am under the influence of medication. I canít even tolerate a paracetamol. When I canít think no more, I say no to everything and I donít really mean to, itís just the easiest word and I dig my heels in as I donít have the words at the time to put it more eloquently. I find and I can only ever speak for myself, is that the quieter I become the more questions I get asked and what I need is understanding for the moment that I am actually in and not what is going to happen in the next five minutes. Also when Iíve done with thinking, I would like someone to take control even if it seems thatís the last thing I want. ďWhat would you like to eat?Ē ďI donít knowĒ. Several suggestions follow, none of which will make my brain say yes that would be nice because I canít visualise anything, I canít get any feeling up for it. ďWell you need to eatĒ ďI donít want anythingĒ ďI will do you XĒ ďNo Iím not eating itĒ In my defence, Iím not expecting it to be a nice experience like a normal person would expect to have, Iíve lost my taste, hard foods make my mouth sore and I find chewing difficult. However I do find that I get my own way and I go without when I donít want to, itís just the way the conversation goes. I wish I wasnít asked, I wish it was just prepared ďIm having thisĒ Iím making two so if feel you could eat something then you can and if not we can make something later if you do think of something.Ē Unfortunately I get told that speaking like this is not a normal way to speak and itís impossible to know how to say it right, so itís not easy. As for thinking someone else must know what to do, I and again I can only speak for me have found this not to be the case, I am the expert and no one knows about me as much as I do. My HD mum never had a good word for my dad but it was he she asked to be by her side, I have said some horrid things to my ex partner but I would rather he was by my side than anyone else. The most important thing is to get to know your HD person and not criticise them for what they have no control over and grow the thickest skin you can. I can never remember the verbal damage I do and I respond better to a positive upbeat smiley face so even if itís been bad in order for ĎHD normal to be resumedí it needs to be forgotten quickly and for things to move on. HD brings about so many changes and itís hard when the landscape keeps changing, my dad used to say he went to bed happy if mum had smiled that day. That was important to him as it is for my ex husband but what I know now is that itís not important to me, whatís important to me is if I get through the day without upsetting anyone or being criticised. I hope things level out for you and you find what you need. Best wishes Lily.
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Old 02-03-18, 01:19 AM   #4
Spanishgraeme
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Quote:
Originally Posted by LECS View Post
Hi Spanishgraeme. I really feel for you and I just wanted to say I understand how challenging it can all be. I can only speak re my own experience but I havenít in the past been able to tolerate medication as I found it exacerbated my HD symptoms, I was more aggressive, detached and wanted to cause harm, it was very frightening and I had to stop. I didnít just try one I tried the whole family and it didnít help that my GPs disagreed with the consultant who prescribed them. I find that my HD is at its worst when I feel unsafe, when I feel backed into a corner, when I feel I canít make myself understood. In order for me to chance any stand of coping with those feelings and making others understand I need to have clarity and I need to be able to self soothe. I canít do that if I dont feel my usual HD self and I am under the influence of medication. I canít even tolerate a paracetamol. When I canít think no more, I say no to everything and I donít really mean to, itís just the easiest word and I dig my heels in as I donít have the words at the time to put it more eloquently. I find and I can only ever speak for myself, is that the quieter I become the more questions I get asked and what I need is understanding for the moment that I am actually in and not what is going to happen in the next five minutes. Also when Iíve done with thinking, I would like someone to take control even if it seems thatís the last thing I want. ďWhat would you like to eat?Ē ďI donít knowĒ. Several suggestions follow, none of which will make my brain say yes that would be nice because I canít visualise anything, I canít get any feeling up for it. ďWell you need to eatĒ ďI donít want anythingĒ ďI will do you XĒ ďNo Iím not eating itĒ In my defence, Iím not expecting it to be a nice experience like a normal person would expect to have, Iíve lost my taste, hard foods make my mouth sore and I find chewing difficult. However I do find that I get my own way and I go without when I donít want to, itís just the way the conversation goes. I wish I wasnít asked, I wish it was just prepared ďIm having thisĒ Iím making two so if feel you could eat something then you can and if not we can make something later if you do think of something.Ē Unfortunately I get told that speaking like this is not a normal way to speak and itís impossible to know how to say it right, so itís not easy. As for thinking someone else must know what to do, I and again I can only speak for me have found this not to be the case, I am the expert and no one knows about me as much as I do. My HD mum never had a good word for my dad but it was he she asked to be by her side, I have said some horrid things to my ex partner but I would rather he was by my side than anyone else. The most important thing is to get to know your HD person and not criticise them for what they have no control over and grow the thickest skin you can. I can never remember the verbal damage I do and I respond better to a positive upbeat smiley face so even if itís been bad in order for ĎHD normal to be resumedí it needs to be forgotten quickly and for things to move on. HD brings about so many changes and itís hard when the landscape keeps changing, my dad used to say he went to bed happy if mum had smiled that day. That was important to him as it is for my ex husband but what I know now is that itís not important to me, whatís important to me is if I get through the day without upsetting anyone or being criticised. I hope things level out for you and you find what you need. Best wishes Lily.
Lily

You are a wonderful person.

You have the rare ability to put things into words that no one else can.

I can't begin to tell you how much you have helped our situation.

Far more than the so-called professionals could ever do.

I'm sure that I am just one if many on here that appreciates the time and effort you put into your replies.

Bless you for the help. You give to the rest of us.

Graeme and my lovely wife..........Judith
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Old 02-03-18, 01:39 AM   #5
LECS
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanishgraeme View Post
Lily

You are a wonderful person.

You have the rare ability to put things into words that no one else can.

I can't begin to tell you how much you have helped our situation.

Far more than the so-called professionals could ever do.

I'm sure that I am just one if many on here that appreciates the time and effort you put into your replies.

Bless you for the help. You give to the rest of us.

Graeme and my lovely wife..........Judith
That is such a wonderful thing to say, thank you. I am sorry but I didnít realise that you have sent me a private message. I have written you a reply but you have not got your private messages enabled so I canít send it. If you select it I can then send it to you. Best wishes Lily
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Old 02-03-18, 01:50 AM   #6
Spanishgraeme
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Thank you Lily.

I didn't realise that the private message thing was disabled.
I believe that I have checked the correct box now.
Graeme
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Old 07-03-18, 03:57 PM   #7
keith marshall
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanishgraeme View Post
Over the last couple of weeks, things seem to have gone from bad to worse.
Apart from some periods of zombie like nothingness and a few moments of clarity, my wife has been hell bent on destroying whatever we have left this week.
She is in the process of changing meds. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.
She won't even allow me to feed her today.
She tells me tgat she's calling the police to report me for being a rotten husband.........or something like that.
Part of me almost hopes that she does.
They might arrange to take her to hospital for assessment.
Part of me is scared about how bad this can get.
I just want to look after her and for for her to be happy and retain her dignity.

Perhaps it will be better in the morning.....hope so.
Hi sorry to hear what you are going through im at the same stage with my wife i love her to bits and will do anything for her she has difficulty with speech so i constantly have to ask her to repeat things which infuriates her and she says i dont care she can get a little violent at times there seems to be so little help for this part of the illness as she is also very reluctant to take part in any therapy sessions its very hard to see someone you have loved so much disappear before your eyes
all the best Keith
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Old 14-05-18, 10:40 PM   #8
Mark Mountain
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Default Re: HD wife is 'ringing the police', she says

My wife has HD Lecs, I would like to thank you for your detailed insight of how you feel, it is very helpful.
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