Return to HDA home page HDA Message Board
HDA About the HDA HDA What is HD HDA Juvenile HD HDA Children & Young People HDA Professionals HDA Resources HDA Research HDA HDA News HDA Events HDA Contact the HDA HDA Home Page

Outside of office hours if you need someone to speak to you can phone the Samaritans on 116 123


Go Back   HDA Message Board > Message Board Categories > Young People

Young People For young people under the age of 35 to share experiences, information and ideas

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-03-17, 07:50 AM   #1
brittany
Approved Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3
Default Please Help me

This is my first post ,
I am 24 year old Mom of a two year old and a wife. I have been with my husband for a total of 7 and a half years. We have always fought but its getting worse and worse everyday. I was diagnosed when i was pregnant but i dont know if i have the right reasons to resent him or if it is my HD....I find myself saying very hurtful things and threatening him, anything i can to get even at the moment and it comes out of me like i cant control it. I always always feel that i have %100 reason to be mad at him. I have been hurt for so long that i find myself hating him most of the time. I thought when i was diagnosed that he would want to spend more time with me and our son but he continues to be gone all the time and has no respect for my feelings, i always come last. I am scared to waist anymore time if we should not be together. I scream at the top of my lungs, throw things but never at him and i even broke a frying pan on the ground because of how upset he gets me. I dont think he will ever understand that he needs to be more calm and not say such hurtful things to me. When i feel a certain way i feel it 200% my emotions are so strong i love so hard i hurt so badly that it feels like the end of the world when someone cancels plans with me, lies to me, or doesnt like me for some reason. When i have something to say i need to be heard. I get angry at others too but i have been let down and angry with him for so so long i go straight to hate when i get mad.... I am scared that i wont be able to ever have a healthy relationship and i feel like the crying screaming fighting and stress is making everything worse , it is taking over my life... please tell me that its not just me... am i crazy?
brittany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-17, 12:54 PM   #2
Trish
Approved Member
 
Trish's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: England
Posts: 2,315
Default Re: Please Help me

Quote:
Originally Posted by brittany View Post
This is my first post ,
I am 24 year old Mom of a two year old and a wife. I have been with my husband for a total of 7 and a half years. We have always fought but its getting worse and worse everyday. I was diagnosed when i was pregnant but i dont know if i have the right reasons to resent him or if it is my HD....I find myself saying very hurtful things and threatening him, anything i can to get even at the moment and it comes out of me like i cant control it. I always always feel that i have %100 reason to be mad at him. I have been hurt for so long that i find myself hating him most of the time. I thought when i was diagnosed that he would want to spend more time with me and our son but he continues to be gone all the time and has no respect for my feelings, i always come last. I am scared to waist anymore time if we should not be together. I scream at the top of my lungs, throw things but never at him and i even broke a frying pan on the ground because of how upset he gets me. I dont think he will ever understand that he needs to be more calm and not say such hurtful things to me. When i feel a certain way i feel it 200% my emotions are so strong i love so hard i hurt so badly that it feels like the end of the world when someone cancels plans with me, lies to me, or doesnt like me for some reason. When i have something to say i need to be heard. I get angry at others too but i have been let down and angry with him for so so long i go straight to hate when i get mad.... I am scared that i wont be able to ever have a healthy relationship and i feel like the crying screaming fighting and stress is making everything worse , it is taking over my life... please tell me that its not just me... am i crazy?
Hi Brittany

Welcome to Messy Board

I think you need to talk to someone professional who can offer counselling and maybe get to the bottom of how to best offer help. I picked up on the point where you say you guys have always fought but it is getting worse. HD could be a factor of course but it sounds so much more complex and it sounds like you should talk to your GP about getting referred either on your own or with your husband/family. I stress I have no medical training but whether it's through talking or something like an anti depressant to take the edge off your emotions right now I do hope that you get external support. There's no such thing as 'crazy' there's simply being overloaded with too much to cope with and having others help take the load off you can only help.

Even if you don't feel up to speaking to your GP, or your HD Counsellor if you have been assigned with one, please do try calling the HDA on 0151 331 5444 tomorrow and seeing if you can speak to someone in confidence about how you are feeling and how they may be able to help.

Good luck xx
__________________
I tried.
Trish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-17, 01:35 PM   #3
brittany
Approved Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3
Default Re: Please Help me

[QUOTE=Trish;64773]Hi Brittany

Thank you Trish for being my first responder. I like your words of wisdom. However, I do see a regular doctor once every 6 months, I see a physiatrist every 3 months and a therapist every 2 weeks, and i see an HD Dr. every 6 months for about 2 years now. I am on antidepressant , sleeping medication, rispadone, and a small dose of adderall. So i am have been doing everything i can. I work full time third shift for a company taking care of mentally challenged people and i also work part time at a gas station. I am away from my son too much and it breaks my heart but we both have to work full time just to make due. I feel so guilty and miserable everytime i have to leave him but at the same time i would feel worse not being able to give and provide for him. It is a bittersweet situation because i know our time together where i am able to play with him is limited so i want to be together 24/7 , this also adds to my anger for life in general , it is not fair and i am heartbroken
brittany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-17, 02:01 PM   #4
Trish
Approved Member
 
Trish's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: England
Posts: 2,315
Default Re: Please Help me

[QUOTE=brittany;64774]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trish View Post
Hi Brittany

Thank you Trish for being my first responder. I like your words of wisdom. However, I do see a regular doctor once every 6 months, I see a physiatrist every 3 months and a therapist every 2 weeks, and i see an HD Dr. every 6 months for about 2 years now. I am on antidepressant , sleeping medication, rispadone, and a small dose of adderall. So i am have been doing everything i can. I work full time third shift for a company taking care of mentally challenged people and i also work part time at a gas station. I am away from my son too much and it breaks my heart but we both have to work full time just to make due. I feel so guilty and miserable everytime i have to leave him but at the same time i would feel worse not being able to give and provide for him. It is a bittersweet situation because i know our time together where i am able to play with him is limited so i want to be together 24/7 , this also adds to my anger for life in general , it is not fair and i am heartbroken
Hi Britanny

I had not quite picked up you are not a UK poster so apologies for assuming you have access to the HDA.

Sounds like you are doing your best to keep control of the situation but, as I outlined previously, you have too much on your plate as it is without the HD aspects hanging over you. Something has to give in these situations and I dare say with your work in helping 'mentally challenged' people you have figured that one out already bless you. Only you and your hubby can work on what needs to give right now although You are being prescribed so many meds which are obviously not getting you through the crisis you are feeling now. Rather than wait for the appointments, it might be worth writing your psychiatrist a letter/diary of your stresses and your feelings etc and sending it to arrive a few weeks before the meeting so that they can read your story in real time as it were and see how critical things are getting.
__________________
I tried.
Trish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-17, 12:54 PM   #5
brittany
Approved Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3
Default Re: Please Help me

[QUOTE=Trish;64776][QUOTE=brittany;64774]

Oh my Goodness! I love love love the idea of writing a journal because sometimes when i go there i forget some of the things i needed to talk to her about. I am not sure how much time i will have to do so however, i work third shift so after all my clients go to bed and my paperwork and cleaning is done i have a couple hours to my self. I also recently started a scrapbook for my son. It helps me feel like he will still know the young healthy me and how much i loved him when i get worse and my HD takes over my body. I also write him letters to keep in his keepsakes box. I am just struggling so much because i don't want to miss out on his life and if i give my little angle this disease and i wont be around to apologize and take care of him it would kill every bit of me and break my heart. That is my biggest fear as a person and a mom. I love him unconditionally with every piece of my heart.
brittany is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-17, 01:31 AM   #6
SilverMoon
Approved Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 8
Default Re: Please Help me

This illness is very stress inducing and finding out you are HD positive whilst being pregnant must have been doubly hard. I take it you are not symptomatic yet and at 24, I am no doctor of course, but hopefully you have years before it develops. You are getting lots of medical support by the sounds of it and seeing someone to talk to. I just wonder has your husband seen anyone too? I know you are the one with the hd positive result, but your spouse by the way it reads is having a difficult time of coping with all this. My mum has HD and denied it for years and my dad and I lived under a lot of stress with no help and her denial of it. Could your husband be reacting out of worry, stress and anger? His distancing himself could be because he doesn't know HOW to cope with this result. It's hard on you of course and all your fears for your son and hoping you get to see him grow up and have not passed it on etc. Your husband needs to support you, but by the sounds of it he needs support to by talking to someone like you are. It's a frightening thing for everyone to have this diagnosis and all the fears and stress build up and you fight, scream and avoid each other. I am no expert at all, but as someone who cared for a HD sufferer and seeing my dad as a spouse dealing with his wife having HD I could see the stress and worry. It's a very emotional state of affairs for you all and I hope you 2 can pull together.
SilverMoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:08 PM.


About the HDA Message Board

A UK-based forum for people whose lives are affected by Huntington's disease and wish to share their experiences with others. Moderated by SHDAs from the HDA, a UK registered charity.

Please Remember

The HDA Message Board is not a substitute for professional advice. Consult a relevant professional before making decisions that could affect you or others.

Donate to HDA


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Registered Charity No. 296453. Website Content © HDA 2010

HDA