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Old 05-01-18, 11:49 PM   #1
elessi
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Default fed up

hubby is getting worse, he has no idea how difficult and contradictory he is. its tiring living with someone who no longer cares, im trying not to show my feelings as our children are 5 and 6. i miss the man who made me laugh, who cuddled and watched movies instead he sulks, shouts and gets irate. falls asleep at tea time, no company no fun. no hysteria as meds are working but i wish we could go back to how it used to be, i miss the smiles and fun. is there anyway to get back or is it all gone
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Old 07-01-18, 10:26 AM   #2
jacqueline
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Default Re: fed up

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Originally Posted by elessi View Post
hubby is getting worse, he has no idea how difficult and contradictory he is. its tiring living with someone who no longer cares, im trying not to show my feelings as our children are 5 and 6. i miss the man who made me laugh, who cuddled and watched movies instead he sulks, shouts and gets irate. falls asleep at tea time, no company no fun. no hysteria as meds are working but i wish we could go back to how it used to be, i miss the smiles and fun. is there anyway to get back or is it all gone
I am so sorry elessi,
I can only speak of the families I know but it does seem to be that the husband they knew went and was replaced by a different person. It is so sad but it seems to be the brain degeneration.
My ex hubby went like that long before we knew HD was in our family. In fact it was 32 years ago I left him. And we only found out about the HD in our family just over ten years ago.
He went so cold hearted and non responsive and very bad tempered.
Some meds do seems to help.
Is he on any meds at all?
I only come on here so very rarely now so lose touch of whats happening with whom.
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Old 07-01-18, 02:40 PM   #3
elessi
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Default Re: fed up

yes he is on meds he takes mirtazipine and olanzipne which seem to help the aggression but they dont help normal life. he never plays with the kids, he wants to moveand get a divorce doesnt want us anymore. ive given up as i dont know what to do anymore. its just sad, we all lose and i know it cant be fixed but that doesnt make it any easier
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Old 07-01-18, 11:09 PM   #4
Jomhv
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Default Re: fed up

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Originally Posted by elessi View Post
yes he is on meds he takes mirtazipine and olanzipne which seem to help the aggression but they dont help normal life. he never plays with the kids, he wants to moveand get a divorce doesnt want us anymore. ive given up as i dont know what to do anymore. its just sad, we all lose and i know it cant be fixed but that doesnt make it any easier
I know exactly how you feel. I'm slightly different though in that I wish I could leave. I couldn't do that to my children though as the thought of one of them spending their youth caring for him is not an option. Life at home though is getting very stressful and I'm constantly worried, feeling anxious about when the next explosion will occur. It happened again last night, this time in front of the kids who fled cowering into one of the bedrooms. I'm seriously questioning bringing children into this situation. There is a reason people with HD are not allowed to adopt. He's had them all in tears at various times over the past few months. He has started threatening to leave as he is "fed up". Once to my 13 year old daughter who does not deserve to have this emotional blackmail. He calls her a drama queen when she complains about his behaviour. I don't care what he does or says to me. Doing it in front of or to the children is devastating though. They did not ask to be brought into this situation. In normal domestic violence situations society would be encouraging us to leave. This isn't the case with HD. We are told to remember it's just the disease and not the person. That's all very logical but certainly doesn't help as you cuddle your child in tears who says " he just really scared me". I'm part of the problem though. I've started just not wanting to be around him. I didn't marry the person I'm living with and it's just plain scary. I feel constantly anxious which when you are running a house, working etc etc makes it reallly difficult to cope so I avoid him, he then accuses me of not caring and he explodes.

Does anyone else's HD relative lose all sense of reason when they overheat? I feel like we need to live in the freezer as the slightest temperature increase sets him off. I no longer have a partner to share the load. The apathy is the other really frustrating symptom. Any request for help is met with a reason why he can't do it yet if it's something he enjoys doing he has all the energy in the world. It feels like a 20 year prison sentence at the end of which, given I'm 50 next month I will likely die so really what is the point? A peaceful life as I knew it is over literally forever.
I'm sorry I've probably not been much help. I haven't expressed any of this on one of these forums before. It was helpful to me though to know there is someone else out there experiencing the same issues and is sick of it just like me
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Old 08-01-18, 09:55 PM   #5
Spanishgraeme
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Default Re: fed up

Jomhv

You asked about problems when overheating.

Being too cold can send my wife spiralling into unreasonableness.

The main ones though are boredom and hunger.
God help me if I'm not fast enough with food..... it's usually got to be bland these days. Too much spice?.........run for the hills.

God forbid that there should be nowt on tv........that seems to be my fault too

In all seriousness though......these seem to kick things off......if I can control them....things go much easier
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Old 09-01-18, 10:50 PM   #6
Jomhv
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Jomhv

You asked about problems when overheating.

Being too cold can send my wife spiralling into unreasonableness.

The main ones though are boredom and hunger.
God help me if I'm not fast enough with food..... it's usually got to be bland these days. Too much spice?.........run for the hills.

God forbid that there should be nowt on tv........that seems to be my fault too

In all seriousness though......these seem to kick things off......if I can control them....things go much easier

I've just seen your reply after replying to a post of yours from a while ago. Thanks. Is funny how our spouses triggers are the complete opposite when it comes to heat/cold. My husband blames a lot of food types for causing his issues and now doesn't eat dairy or gluten. Whatever works I say! Choking is occasionally an issue now too.
You list your occupation as carer. Have you not been working for long? How did you cope with this change in your life? I would hate to not work (weird I know) and thankfully we are not at that stage yet.
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Old 09-01-18, 11:17 PM   #7
Spanishgraeme
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Default Re: fed up

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Originally Posted by Jomhv View Post
I've just seen your reply after replying to a post of yours from a while ago. Thanks. Is funny how our spouses triggers are the complete opposite when it comes to heat/cold. My husband blames a lot of food types for causing his issues and now doesn't eat dairy or gluten. Whatever works I say! Choking is occasionally an issue now too.
You list your occupation as carer. Have you not been working for long? How did you cope with this change in your life? I would hate to not work (weird I know) and thankfully we are not at that stage yet.
We were foster carers for quite a few years. We enjoyed that but we couldn't take the chance of the kids getting caught up in a mood swing. We packed in before anything became noticeable.
Work for me is not a simple thing.
I was a Photographer for many years and now that we split out time between properties in the north of England and our other house in Spain, I try to work when I can. Not always easy but I advertise work for sale on various websites including my own.
I can't see it ever being more than a sometimes paid hobby now though. I can only really be away for a couple of hours at a time.
It gives me something to put my energy into though. A lot of the work can done at my home studio and on my computer.......that way I'm always often available if needed
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Old 10-01-18, 11:24 PM   #8
elessi
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Default Re: fed up

I know what you mean, this wasnt what i expected after we got married. hubby got diagnosed 3 years ago our kids are now 5 and 6 and the youngest cant remember what he was like before. I feel sad that they miss out, its hard to have friends round bevause he doesnt deal with change. social services are involved adult and childrens because he keeps threatening me whenever he gets manic. he is 62 and turning into a moody, scary and apathetic old man, i resent it so much. I'm 46 and I dont know how to look after him, try to keep eveything balanced and protect the kids. I just try and take it a day at a time
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Old 20-01-18, 11:52 PM   #9
Red Robin
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Default Re: fed up

Good Morning Elessi,
I read your post a week ago, when I was going through a very difficult time with hubby - my husband is in total denial although deep down I/we (support) are sure he knows - but he keeps telling everyone he refuses a diagnosis, although this has happened and his only problem in his mind is he needs new knees. I think my husbands behaviour decline started 30 years ago (I can remember the first weird situation) -his decline has been slow, he is now 74 but although things are still slowly progressing his irrational behaviour has escalated. This slow progression has virtually left me with no memory of a nice person and why I ever married him.
My one regret is I did not leave 30 years ago, but with 4 children and his threatening behaviour I stayed. The adult children now rarely visit (they will meet up with me), they avoid him as much as they can and make token visits. 1 daughter will visit regularly and sit and listen to him (there is no conversation it is all one way).
I find I am now stuck, I feel I cannot walk away from this man who can barely get around, though he has a very stubborn personality and I think it is only this that keeps him going, but I cannot see how he could look after himself/get meals etc. I feel sorry for him, he has no friends, he has been so difficult with people, it is even difficult to get a tradesman to the house.
The verbal abuse I had earlier in the week as much as I dont take it on board I know as much as I try it does cause stress and stress causes health issues and that is where I am heading.
I am sorry but HD does take the person with it, I wish you and your children all the best for your future, but take the time and access your situation.
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