Hi Charmac.....I think your post has gotten lost on this clunky old site coz I check in daily and it's passed me by, just like a post from JackSparrow unfortunately so I hope by replying I might get others to rsvp.
My first thought is how old is your partner? In adult hd things start to show in middle age more or less.....so that would be some sort of indication...If he's refused to be tested then obviously it's something that you are going to worry about and something he wants to block out and pretend/hope that he's "okay". All I can say is that paranoia and hostility, aggression, hatred of others were all early symptoms in my husband.