Return to HDA home page HDA Message Board
HDA About the HDA HDA What is HD HDA Juvenile HD HDA Children & Young People HDA Professionals HDA Resources HDA Research HDA HDA News HDA Events HDA Contact the HDA HDA Home Page

Outside of office hours if you need someone to speak to you can phone the Samaritans on 116 123


Go Back   HDA Message Board > Message Board Categories > General HD topics

General HD topics Open forum for all other issues concerning Huntington’s disease

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-01-18, 12:23 PM   #1
Spanishgraeme
Approved Member
 
Spanishgraeme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 9
Default HD wife, asked for divorce............again

My wife......she has HD......asked me for a divorce again last night.
This isn't the first time. It's happened now, four times, in the last six months.
To save another argument or threats to leave in the middle of the night, I agreed.....again.
Her stated reasons for wanting a divorce are all apparently my fault.
In reality, they are all symptoms if her condition..........last nights was..."we never have sex anymore". Previous reasons have been....."you never take me anywhere"......the list goes on.
I have tried to very calmly explain to her that these things are the result of hd symptoms but she refuses to accept that anything is wrong with her.
When she returns to 'normal'...... don't like that word but can't think of another......she appears to forget about these things. When she has another episode.......she remembers the previous ones.
How do I get my wife to understand that these apparent marital troubles are part of her condition and not of my doing?
How do I get her to accept that there IS something wrong with her and she needs me.

Has anyone else been here? Did you find a solution.
Spanishgraeme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-18, 06:49 PM   #2
shiraz
Approved Member
 
shiraz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Merseyside
Posts: 877
Default Re: HD wife, asked for divorce............again

I definitely have been there!! One thing you can't do is try and reason - whatever thoughts/beliefs someone has with hd you cannot shift them by reason or logic or trying to explain - it just turns into a massive row that leaves you fraught and teary and worn out whilst they just "forget"...and you end up starting to think that you must be an awful person and spouse. It's my husband with hd and we have not been "intimate" for years. I am actually glad about it because to me it would be inappropriate given his condition. However...it might be that because you aren't intimate your wife thinks you are "getting it elsewhere" - it's something my husband accused me of for years, to paranoid extremes. Maybe her asking for a divorce is borne out of that idea? But again, no amount of denying it will change her thought processes.

Did I find a solution to all this type of aggro? Well...I'd walk the streets at night distraught, I'd sit up all night frantic, I thought about running away....and worse, so no...I didn't find a solution other than getting him on medications once he was diagnosed helped with his behaviour and....what I believe is that it's a phase. It will pass. Like you say, they forget but it's us that are traumatised by it all - and when it surfaces again boy oh boy they "remember" everything again with additional insults. If you can weather the storm and somehow try diversion tactics it will pass...get her to think of something else...it may divert her obsession at that precise moment. It's a rotten place to be - walking on eggshells and feeling like nothing you do is right, like a great big slap in the face. However...your comment that she needs you is true - this year my husband constantly tells me that he'd be dead 10 years ago if it wasn't for me, he tells me he loves me, he says thankyou and sorry....it does get better. Infact it gets better once they actually accept they have hd and...there is something wrong with them and alls you are trying to do is help. Like you say words like wrong and normal sound "off" - but it's simple language that explains. Not much help but...hang on in there.
shiraz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-01-18, 08:28 PM   #3
Spanishgraeme
Approved Member
 
Spanishgraeme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 9
Default Re: HD wife, asked for divorce............again

Shiraz

Thank you so much for your reply.
I can't begin to tell how much it has helped.

When she got up, late this morning, the atmosphere was even worse than last night.
By the time she'd finished her lunch though............ you'd think yesterday had never happened.

I have noticed that hunger seems to have a negative effect on her mood.
Perhaps I spent too long in the kitchen preparing stuff for today and not giving her my constant attention.

Thank you again........much appreciated.🙂
Spanishgraeme is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 02:29 PM.


About the HDA Message Board

A UK-based forum for people whose lives are affected by Huntington's disease and wish to share their experiences with others. Moderated by SHDAs from the HDA, a UK registered charity.

Please Remember

The HDA Message Board is not a substitute for professional advice. Consult a relevant professional before making decisions that could affect you or others.

Donate to HDA


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Registered Charity No. 296453. Website Content © HDA 2010

HDA