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Old 24-06-13, 05:39 PM   #1
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Location: Suffolk
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Default Complicated relationship

Hi there,

I'm wondering if anyone can give me an independent view of what's happening in my life.

20 years ago I met my current partner whilst I was still caring for my late husband who had HD. He helped me through some very difficult times. We eventually started living together (and still do). We have a son who is now 14.

My son from my marriage - now 26 - was diagnosed with HD 4 years ago. My partner and I had drifted apart, probably due to the stress and enormity of HD and we have both been made redundant. My partner has recently found a 'friend' who he was spending may hours with - she has problems and he is/was trying to help her. I have confronted him with what I know, and he stressed that there has been 'nothing going on' between them. Basically, he's told me that he will be there for me to support me through my son's illness. I have found letters he has sent her which give councelling guidence which contain a few endearments.

The last one however said that he felt that he and she had a very close emotional bond, but could not meet for any more than dog walks - he said that it may be years until they are together. I have read this as he is waiting for my son to die. I am in pieces. What do I do?
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Old 24-06-13, 07:45 PM   #2
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Location: South Cumbria
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Default Re: Complicated relationship

Sorry to read of your dilemma.
One of the many sad facts about HD is the risk that family have to care for a number of generations of suffers.
In regard to the problem with your partner, unfortunately I do not feel I can advise on this.
Perhaps some other member will be more helpful.
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Old 25-06-13, 06:51 PM   #3
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Default Re: Complicated relationship

Hi Trudi

Sorry to read your post. I don't know how to advise you. But I can feel that your world is upside down.

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Old 25-06-13, 09:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Complicated relationship

Hiya TL
It is very very difficult to even try to advise you as you are the only one who knows him best.
You say you confronted him about the last one and only you know what he said or how he said it.
He does sound very loyal and if he says nothing went on and you want him then at least you are on the winning side and I would try to reason with him or at least find out if he truly loves you enough to drop this other woman.

It just rings a bell when my dad left my mother for someone else and he lived with me for 6 months. I used to tell my mother that as long as he was with me he was still half hers but if she forced me to send away from mine by making my life tough over it then she would lose him as he wasn't ready to return to her at that time but give him time and he would return to her if she would just stop being "I have done nothing wrong" attitude.
But no......I had to ask him to move because it was made too difficult for me. He went to the other woman. My mother could STILL have had him though if she would have listened and fought for him.

Only you know how he feels and I hope it works out the way you want it to.
Smile though your heart is breaking.
Smile even though its aching.
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Old 01-07-13, 01:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Complicated relationship

Thank you for this. I'm at the stage of telling him that I am not prepared to live like this. Why is he perpetuating the situation? Only a clear path will resolve it and if that path is walking in the other direction then so be it. Iím at the point of no compromises. I no longer need affirmations for what I already know. He needs to make a choice. I hope he will be happy with it.
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Old 01-07-13, 01:36 PM   #6
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Default Re: Complicated relationship

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
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